Lonely
I write this after watching the KSI documentary on Amazon and ive just been overcome with this feeling of loneliness. I have noever experienced this feeling. I would describe it as what i think could be depression. 30, single, no prospects, minimal friends who i rarely speak to, no social life, hating my body but also not having any motivation to do anything about changing it, no money and just working to afford my bills. This isnt life. This isnt fun. This is not what i want out of my life. Sometimes i wonder whether i just need to accept that i could be alone forever. I have done 30 years of it, so whats another 30. No kids, spending holidays alone, no weddings, no honeymoon, no date nights and dying alone. I dont want that, but also im lazy and i know i am. I dont want to do the work. I want someone to do it for me and hand it to me on a silver platter. It doesnt work like that. I need to work on me. Love me. Accept me. Nurture me. Grow me. The first thing they also say is how c